Not too long ago a good friend of mine recounted to me how her 4-year old son wept silently after being scolded by her.  It broke her heart.

“Oh”, I replied, a little surprised.  You see, my 3-year old little son has never cried after being scolded, no matter how loud or fierce I scream.  In fact scolding has had little effect on him.  Most of the time he just ignores me.  The only time he sits up and listens is when I hold the most feared instrument (aka the cane) in my hand.

But everything changed last week.  We were at the grocers and my little son was at his most irritating self, running and intentionally bumping into me every corner I went, blocking my way and refusing to let me walk. My patience began to wear thin and as soon as we got into the car I just let it all out and ranted at him.  He looked at me and suddenly the side of his mouth curled downwards and he started to sob.

It was like my little son suddenly grew up and words began to have an effect on him.  It’s strange because I’m with him 24/7 and he matured under my nose just like that, and I’m not even sure how and when that happened.

In a way I’m glad.  Glad that I don’t have to resort to the cane to make a point.  On the other hand I realize harsh words could hurt him emotionally so I really have to mind what I say when I’m angry.

He’s suddenly not a toddler anymore.

But how much can I remember this and internalise it into my parenting skill-set? I do not know. Because at moments of vulnerability, we as parents can cave in to our old habits and unknowingly pass on undesirable habits to our little ones who are constantly "looking up to us" as role models.

I give you an example.

Instead of caning, I sometimes discipline my son by snapping my index finger onto him. The action is done by first connecting the index finger and the thumb into an "O" shape, before releasing the index finger with force onto the desired destination of pain. (To be fair to me, I threaten with the action more than I inflict it onto him)

Of late, I notice he has also started to threaten the same action onto me when he is not happy with me. I was very surprised the first time he did that. But I did not reprimand him for doing so, partly because I felt guilty he has picked up the action from me. Immediate to my concern was what if he starts doing this to his fellow classmates? And they then learn the action and use it on one another!!

It is one of those times when my knowledge of "children learning what they see" comes to crystallization. And I feel disgusted when it was a bad habit that has crystallized.

In this case, on reflection, I think this is not a very wise way to discipline my son. I will make it a point to stop it totally and hope he does the same too.