Not too long ago a good friend of mine recounted to me how her 4-year old son wept silently after being scolded by her.  It broke her heart.

“Oh”, I replied, a little surprised.  You see, my 3-year old little son has never cried after being scolded, no matter how loud or fierce I scream.  In fact scolding has had little effect on him.  Most of the time he just ignores me.  The only time he sits up and listens is when I hold the most feared instrument (aka the cane) in my hand.

But everything changed last week.  We were at the grocers and my little son was at his most irritating self, running and intentionally bumping into me every corner I went, blocking my way and refusing to let me walk. My patience began to wear thin and as soon as we got into the car I just let it all out and ranted at him.  He looked at me and suddenly the side of his mouth curled downwards and he started to sob.

It was like my little son suddenly grew up and words began to have an effect on him.  It’s strange because I’m with him 24/7 and he matured under my nose just like that, and I’m not even sure how and when that happened.

In a way I’m glad.  Glad that I don’t have to resort to the cane to make a point.  On the other hand I realize harsh words could hurt him emotionally so I really have to mind what I say when I’m angry.

He’s suddenly not a toddler anymore.

She got him to show me when I got back from work and my first impression was, “What a cute son I have!” Hahahaha….

Here’s how he did it. With arms akimbo and his face tilting skywards, he said through his pouting lips, ” I am angry!”.

And true enough, my wife said that on occasions when he was not happy with her, he would use the newly-learnt posture to express his anger.

Personally I think it is good that children learn to express their anger. They should be made aware that it is not wrong to be angry with things they don’t feel happy about . In fact, they should be encouraged to verbalise their anger.

Only that way can we adults find out the root of their anger and help them rationalise if the “root” reason for being angry is correct.

If it is “correct”, then we can empathise with his anger but at the same time gently encouraging them to simmer down. If it is “wrong”, then it is about imparting the right values.

The most important thing is that they DO NOT grow up bottling up their feelings.