I just came back from Shanghai, hence the stale post prior to that.

So for the past few days, my wife has to take on additional duties to take care of our cheeky boy. I have no worries that she’ll handle well without me. And she did.

The only one little concern I have was that with me gone for a few days, my son would get used to the idea of not having me around, and hence not miss me!

On the day I returned, my wife brought him to the airport to pick me. And honestly, I was pleasantly surprised that when he caught the first glimpse of me, he jumped happily, screaming through the separating glass "Papa papa!"

My wife later told me that he said, "I wanna go hug Papa, I wanna go hug Papa!" while I was waiting to collect my luggage.

I am just glad that not much (love) was lost during the few days of absence. But I am also aware that time equals investment for our children. The more time we spend with them ,the deeper the relationship.

Simple theory, and no short-cuts. Out of sight, out of mind. I believe this is so especially for children.

(this is written by my wife)

My little son came down with a blocked nose and cough last night so I brought him to the doctor’s this morning.

While we were waiting at the clinic, we saw a lady wearing a pair of low cut jeans. When she sat down on a low stool with her back facing us, the back of her jeans went all the way down to reveal the “line” in between her buttocks.

My son stared in fascination. Knowing he was about to ask the unthinkable, I quickly distracted his attention. But alas, his attention came back to the lady with the half revealed buttock and asked, “WHAT’S THAT HOLE MAMA?”.

I was rendered speechless. I’m not sure how to start explaining the “hole” to him in a public place. Embarrassed (fortunately most of the people in the clinic were women), I brought him aside and told him not to ask. And thank God, he really stopped asking after that. I heaved a sigh of relief!

I am sure this is not the last time I get asked such an awkward question in public, given that my little son is in the “why this why that” age. So if you have any idea as to how to react in such situations, do drop me a note.

My wife told me my son was taught in school how to express their anger.

She got him to show me when I got back from work and my first impression was, “What a cute son I have!” Hahahaha….

Here’s how he did it. With arms akimbo and his face tilting skywards, he said through his pouting lips, ” I am angry!”.

And true enough, my wife said that on occasions when he was not happy with her, he would use the newly-learnt posture to express his anger.

Personally I think it is good that children learn to express their anger. They should be made aware that it is not wrong to be angry with things they don’t feel happy about . In fact, they should be encouraged to verbalise their anger.

Only that way can we adults find out the root of their anger and help them rationalise if the “root” reason for being angry is correct.

If it is “correct”, then we can empathise with his anger but at the same time gently encouraging them to simmer down. If it is “wrong”, then it is about imparting the right values.

The most important thing is that they DO NOT grow up bottling up their feelings.

Yeah…am being lazy with just this simple message.

NO!!!

When was the last time you said "I LOVE YOU " to your child?

I believe hearing those words from the parents brings a certain level of security to the child, provided they are not said out of duty/routine and with emotionless regurgitation.

Trust me, our child can detect whether our message is genuine or not. But there is nothing to worry too if we truly mean what we say, our child will know.

Do it with a hearty hug, a super duper peck or a pat on the shoulders. Tell me how you do it please!…It’s not about learning new tricks, but ways to express our love.

Do it the next time you see your child, DON’T WAIT .

Let me know if you have done it today ok?

(this is wrriten by my wife)

One morning I asked my son if he would like to have cocoa-crunch or cocoa-pop for breakfast (not that there’s much difference since both are cornflakes coated with cocoa). He indicated that he would like to have “cocoa-pop”. “OK” I said and proceeded to open the pack.

“I DIDN”T SAY THAT!” he shot back, obviously changing his mind.

I was caught by surprise. Barely 3-years old and he has learnt to deny?

He must have learnt this from school I thought. And in my mind I started blaming the school for all these bad habits that I see in my son.

But wait a minute.. the phase “I didn’t say that” sounds so familiar.. where did I hear it from..

And it suddenly dawned on me that this is a phrase that I often use when I have disputes with our domestic helper. You see, many times when our domestic helper does something that I had not asked her to do, she would insist that I had told her so. Then, I would retort by saying “I DIDN’T SAY THAT!” .

My little son must have witnessed the disputes and picked that phrase from me.

This is indeed a reminder to me to be mindful of my ways because I have a "little sponge" beside me who picks up all my ways, be they good or bad.

(this is written by my wife)

My little son has this habit of calling “papa come” or “mama come” from his bed the first thing he wakes up in the morning. And dutifully I will go into the bedroom to check what he wants. It goes without saying that I am frustrated at being at his beck and call but alas I always concede to avoid the whining and crying that follows when his demands are being ignored.

This morning while I was having my breakfast the familiar “mama come” broke the peaceful silence. I decided not to respond. Hearing no response, he continued his tirade of “mama come.. mama come.. MAMA COME!!!…”

And so, I gave in yet again.

Dutifully I went into the room and was told to
(i) lie down; and
(ii) pat him

URGGG!!! I summon whatever patience and good humor in me and told him as a matter of fact that I was having my breakfast and that I would come back later.

As expected, he said “NO!”.

Normally I would give in at this stage and do as he tells me. Somehow this time I decided to try again and told him I will come back after my breakfast.

To my surprise, as I prepared to leave the room (which was just an act actually) there was no protest (I was actually prepared to stay had he protested) but he actually rolled over to stare into the ceiling and do his own thing.

I continued with my breakfast and pondered over what happened.

Perhaps what our children need is a little bit more perseverance from us.

We should stop treating them like kings! Too often we give in to their demands too soon. And in so doing we rob them of the opportunity to learn to wait, to understand that others have needs and to respect that.

Needless to say when I went back to the room I showered him with lots of praises for being able to wait for others… and he was most happy to be praised.

And yet another episode of CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY SEE… or perhaps what they hear.

My little son came to me this morning and said “Doo-WUW! Do What You Want!”.

And he’s not even 3 years old!

For those who do not know, this “Doo-WUW” thing is currently shown on Singapore TV. Two good-looking youngsters are featured apparently telling audiences to “do what you what” or “doo-WUW” (which is the short form of “do what you want”). I nearly fainted when I saw the other tagline on their banner…you judge for yourself.

The trailer is rather short, perhaps a minute or so, but it is certainly catchy to the young. I can’t tell you more about this trailer or the main show because everytime this “Doo-WUW” thing comes on TV I barely pay any attention to it.

But obviously not my little son. He pays enough attention to regurgitate the words (I don’t think he even knows what he’s talking about when he says “Doo-WUW!”) in the same tone as spoken on TV.

My son’s little repertoire reminds me that really it is NEVER TOO EARLY to keep tabs on what TV programs our little ones are watching these days.

They really DO Learn What They See…and Hear .

(Here’s another parent airing her grievances about this DWUW thing …and more !!)

There’s a positive side to add to my negative example in the earlier post.

My mum was recently recommended by an eye specialist to go for a cataract operation to improve her vision. She gladly complied and booked a day surgery for the specialist to treat her.

So somebody has to accompany her to the hospital right?

No worries, my siblings and I have an unspoken arrangement to take turns to accompany our parents for such events or for whatever events they needed us for. I felt it was my turn to do so.

And because my mum has to report to the hospital at 7am the next day, I thought the most convenient arrangement would be for me to spend the night at my parents’ place before heading to the hospital together with my mum the next day.

So on the night before the operation, I got myself ready to leave for my mum’s place. My son then asked me where I was going. I told him Grandma was sick and I needed to bring her to the hospital. We exchanged "flying kisses" and I left.

I was told later by my wife that as they closed the door after seeing me off that night, my son told her this, "Next time you go to the hospital, I’ll bring you alright?"

Enough said.

I think this is obviously obvious, obviously.

But how much can I remember this and internalise it into my parenting skill-set? I do not know. Because at moments of vulnerability, we as parents can cave in to our old habits and unknowingly pass on undesirable habits to our little ones who are constantly "looking up to us" as role models.

I give you an example.

Instead of caning, I sometimes discipline my son by snapping my index finger onto him. The action is done by first connecting the index finger and the thumb into an "O" shape, before releasing the index finger with force onto the desired destination of pain. (To be fair to me, I threaten with the action more than I inflict it onto him)

Of late, I notice he has also started to threaten the same action onto me when he is not happy with me. I was very surprised the first time he did that. But I did not reprimand him for doing so, partly because I felt guilty he has picked up the action from me. Immediate to my concern was what if he starts doing this to his fellow classmates? And they then learn the action and use it on one another!!

It is one of those times when my knowledge of "children learning what they see" comes to crystallization. And I feel disgusted when it was a bad habit that has crystallized.

In this case, on reflection, I think this is not a very wise way to discipline my son. I will make it a point to stop it totally and hope he does the same too.

I read in our local newspaper yesterday about a 3-year-old child who can read simple words and order his own food off the restaurant menu while most of his peers are still struggling with their ABCs.

Frankly I think my son is one of those still struggling.

Am I worried? I don’t think so. Am I jealous? To be honest, and to my own surprise, I don’t think so too.

So what if my son can read at 3? According to an educator quoted in the article, "the earlier the child reads, the better the child reads and it is more likely that he will enjoy reading ".

Well I guess I would be happy if my child enjoys reading, and starts reading at an early age. But I am not going to be too highly-strunged about this start-to-read-early thing.

I would rather focus on finding out the talents he has, and to help him develop them to the fullest potential. If he has the talent in a certain discipline, he is likely to become good at it and most importantly, enjoys doing it.

Do note that it is also possible to be good at doing something, yet not enjoying it. So please do not confuse a child’s excellence with talent. For example, I know of quite a few piano 8th graders who don’t really enjoy their music.

If the boy above really enjoys reading, I guess his parents took the right steps in grooming him in that area. If he hates it, there is always the danger of over-stressing the child.

In summary, my stand is this: at such a young age, if they enjoy doing a certain thing, by all means develop & facilitate their interest. If they do not, look for other GOD given gifts in the child. There is definitely AT LEAST one.